What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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