he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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