So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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