She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
