Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
