Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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