Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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