the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
