god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
