We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
