Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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