I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
