he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
