I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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