I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
