He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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