I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
