she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
