so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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