No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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