I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
