He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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