look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
