we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
