Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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