I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize