So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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