We named our party play list daddy issues
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
