the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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