Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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