ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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