woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
