I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
