1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
