The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
