she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
