I puked a lego.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
