I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
