Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
