Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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