toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
