Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
love makes seman taste better
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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