I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
