I wish my penis had an off switch
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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