The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
