i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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