Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
