Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
