Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
