awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
