All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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