I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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