yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
