YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
