If that was your dad, he is hot
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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