2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
