You smell like stripper and shame
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
