hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
