He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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