I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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