I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
