I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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