mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize