I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
