I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
