At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
