he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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