Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize