considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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