all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize