just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
