We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
