Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
