can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
