I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize