I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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