i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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