Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
