yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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