I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
