i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
