what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
