i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Randomize
