im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
