I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize